Unemployed and confused

I really should have given into temptation and curled up under TAB's doona (sorry, duvet) and never left Melbourne. I don't have a job, the place we were supposed to be working at thought that the other English girl who came through the agency and I were men so the jobs they have aren't suitable for us. Great. Having cheered up a bit in Cairns I'm back to being constantly on the verge of tears. I hate this, I hate this place, I don't want to go and work in the already almost unbearable heat (and it's only 9.30am...). I'm being miserable I know but it's difficult when all my concentration is focused on not bursting into tears because that would just be embarressing. I talked to TAB yesterday. He was really tired but was still going to go to the pub with Zoe when she rang. Not back 24 hours and already out with her. That of course made me feel better. He's irritated with me at the moment, he says that I'm too clingy which, I must candidly admit, I am. I'm alone, I'm miserable, I itch, I don't have a job, I miss him so much it hurts and he's out with another girl of course I'm bloody clingy!!! I had a bit of a rant at him about it, I don't think he realises how hard this is and his claims that it's his life that's difficult and how can I expect him to wait for me when he's not certain I'm coming back. I've tried to say that I need his support in order to get through this and come back to him but he doesn't get it. Because he can't make Sydney I won't see him until Christmas now which makes things even worse. To be honest, as time goes by, I think it less and less likely that he'll be waiting for me when I get back which makes it more and more difficult to actually carry on. I'll try and be less clingy and send less messages but I feel like I'm drowning and he's the liferaft that is gradually floating further and further out of reach.