My brain is a turncoat

I don't know, I do everything to suit my brain. I think the thoughts that it wants to think, I let it do puzzles and stuff that are challenging and new (is anyone else addicted to Kakuro?) and all sorts of stuff. I feed it to keep it's power up and read a lot and keep it occupied and active and lovely. What more could a person do? Still, it seems to hate me. Why else would I dream this morning that I'd gone back to Murchison. Everything was nice, Sandy was talking to me and Keith had said that I could stay back at the hostel with no hard feelings. People were there and laughing and smiling. I walked down the main street and I went into the pub and saw all my friends and sat and talked to Sharon for a bit. Saw Gina and got to play with Devine, her daughter. The boys were in the next room playing pool and all of them said hi to me and asked how I was, and joked and laughed. All apart from the CTG. Then they left and on the way out he turned to me and said 'Yeah, you're back. Tell you what, it's so good to have you back that I'll give you lift whereever you want to go so when you decide to bail again I'll take you to the airport. I'll even buy you your ticket back to London. Now's a good time, I'm free' In my dream I turned to the bar and laid my head on my arms. I woke up crying.