www.flickr.com

nothing because it has to be connected to my computer to work, grrr


prawn cocktail crisps

pilchards on toast (you can get pilchards there but they just don't taste the same)

decent tv

jaffa cakes

Greggs pasties

proper beer (as in Black Sheep, or Timothy Taylor's Landlord, or Cwrw Haf, the list goes on...)

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Breaking down

Had a bit of a bad day on Saturday.

All the stress, all the worries and fears, all the longing to just be held by my fiance, to feel his arms around me telling me it's all going to be ok, all the trying to find energy to hate my job like I used to because I dislike being apathetic, it feels like giving up, all the bad dreams (trust me, some of them were REALLY disturbing), all the needing to, wanting to, but being unable to sleep. All of it, everything that has been bothering me for the last 6 months (or as near to as makes no difference - 6 MONTHS apart!) burst open like a festering sore. I know it was for the best and it probably needed to happen but bloody hell it's unpleasant whilst it's going on.

It also rather shocked everyone at work to see this normally composed, cheerful, person break into uncontrollable floods of tears for 2 whole hours*. Then again when I got home and tried to tell mum what had happened. I felt like a schoolchild again because mum had to ring the pub and tell them I wasn't coming in.

I feel a lot better now :)

Although, it's probably a good thing that my medical had been the week before - I dread to think what would have happened if the examining doctor had asked 'Are you feeling sad or down at the moment?' and I'd burst into floods of tears...

*actually they didn't see the first hour because I hid in the car and scared customers

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Thursday, September 20, 2007

posts

I'm tired, stressed, completely lacking motivation and I just want to hold my fiance again and feel the arms of the man I'm going to marry around me.

Until this happens, or I have confirmation at least that this is going to be allowed to happen, updates may be scarce. They would all read the same anyway -

I miss Graham.
My main job is so soul-destroying that I don't even hate it anymore, it just happens, day after day after day sapping my energy like a leech on my soul.
I'm not made to pull pints - I'm crap at it.
I miss Graham oh so very much.

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