Moments

There's a quote that springs to mind from somewhere*, I'm not sure I've got it right but it generally says that life is split into moments. There are moments of importance and moments that move you on. All it takes is one split second to change your life for better or for worse. A decision made in a second can ultimately decide where your life is going to head and how. I shouldn't have run from a country that I knew I loved. I know that now. In one short moment, someone made me so scared that I ran home, so closed to any feelings because to let one in meant to let them all in which would be a bad idea. A friend at the time told me that that was sad, I believe that I agree. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. That was both an important moment and one that moved me on, for better or for worse. There are also things, events, thoughts, which try to take over your mind so that you attempt to spend every minute of your day doing something else, thinking something else in an effort to shut out the ceaseless clamour of your brain about this one subject. When you're lying in bed reading until you fall asleep with the book in your hand because to put it down and stop living in that world is to let the thoughts be heard again and stop you sleeping, that make you relive things and make you think that maybe, just maybe you could have done something to stop it, make it happen differently. Avoiding thinking about this moment is desperately important. Suddenly, another thought appears. It won't go away. It's not clamouring, shouting to be heard, deafening, obliterating all other rational thought like the other one. No, this one is quiet, murmering, whispering, incessant but somehow clearer than the other. Very soon it has wormed its way in past all the shouting, deafening hordes. This is also the result of an important moment but one you hadn't really considered important until now. And, just like the other one, it's vital that it doesn't overwhelm. Sane thought must be preserved at all costs. This is why, right now, I'm really, completely pissed off at Hotmail. It's annoying me beyond all belief. It didn't work properly on this computer, whether because of the dial up connection or the internet provider, I don't know but it did not work! To be able to read my email I had to refresh each page after I'd loaded it as it would come up in the wrong format and all the links wouldn't work. This is however no longer a problem because when I logged on today Hotmail asked me if I wanted to join it's Beta testing phase thingy. Fed up to the back teeth with a non-functioning Hotmail I agreed. This was most DEFINATELY a mistake. Now I can't check ANY OF MY BLOODY EMAILS AT ALL!!!!! I've tried a couple of times to log on and it will load a mainly blank page. The second time it did deign to tell me I had 3 emails and what the titles were but not actually let me see them. When I tried to reboot it, it didn't let me even see that small amount of information. Wonderful. And the joyous part is I can't even email Hotmail to tell them that it's screwing up! Well, I could use my gmail account but that would mean opening that up to whole amounts of spam that I really don't want to (I'm already coping with large amounts of emails that seem to think I want penis enlargements - I know I've got short hair but come ON people!). As smokescreen thought processes go, I think this will keep me going for at least 24 hours. This is good. *I do believe that it's the opening voiceover from a late season 3 episode of Babylon 5 by G'Kar - I know, I'm sad. And it's not quite relevant, but near enough.